Things Keep Going Round and Round

For the last forty years, I've heard a saying that things "depend on whose ox is being gored." One can think he has things figured out, that he knows how to deal with things, can give advice to others; but then sometimes one realizes that there are still things to be learned.

I spend a lot of time with young people trying to help them develop ways to get along with others and avoid problems for themselves. I tell them that they are responsible for their own behavior. They have to be in control of their actions and reactions regardless of what someone else does. I even tell them that the way they respond to others can give those persons control over them. For example, if you poke me, and I hit you back, I've given you control over me. You now know that all you have to do is poke me a little, and I'll haul off and pop you one. You probably won't get in trouble for poking me since you will do this when no one is looking. I, on the other hand, because I'm angry or offended by what you did, will immediately hit you back - harder than you hit me and paying no attention to whether anyone is watching me or not. I'll be in trouble. You can now get me in trouble whenever you like because I will not practice self control.

A couple of days ago, I had to speak to a young man about a problem, and he immediately cut me off, telling me what I should do and what I should not do. I tried to refocus him on the problem that had to be dealt with; he proceeded to rudely cut me off again and in a slightly raised voice continued to tell me what I should and should not be doing. I attempted once again to gain his attention long enough to get him to stop and think about why the conversation was taking place to start with; he was intent on being rude and disrespectful (in my opinion). I raised my voice slightly - not because I was angry (at least not at this point), but in an attempt to get him to at least hear me. That was a mistake. My intentions were good, but my efforts were pointless. I instantly realized that the battle had been lost because at this point, I was no longer calm. Since I was now angry, I did not say anything else; I realized that the situation would only escalate - after all, he was being disrespectful to me.

I knew better than to get angry, but I responded based on feelings - not on rational thinking. This was exactly what had gotten him into trouble the day before and contributed to his behavior that morning. Someone had "dissed" him, and he had responded in anger to the insult and took action that could have gotten hm in a lot of trouble - fortunately, it did not go that far.

We are all responsible for our own behavior. It does not matter what anyone does to me or says to me; I am responsible for my behavior, for my response. We cannot make excuses and blame other persons for our own behavior. The young man in my story needs to grow up, but so do I. Sometimes we take a lot of steps forward, and then we take a step backward. I took a step backward that day. Now, I need to start moving forward again.